The Search 

The Blimeys- The Search- Anshulika Bansal

“So, what’s the matter, why on earth you both have to call me all the way long to this lonely, deserted place?”

“Errrrr! Actually we heard that from the fashion week last night, you brought a souvenir, the digits of a particular young honey, named “Rebecca”!"

“Shut the f… front door you two! Don’t tell me that early in the morning, when it’s still dark, you both called me for that “young honey”?

“Come on! Take pity on your model deprived brothers! Give us the stats, was she sexy, curvy lingerie type or the toned and tanned bikini wearing type?”

“No she’s more like “I’m totally psyched, I just got my driver’s license type!”

“Arse! U gotta get a nice thrashing from us, must be missing though! Come buddy!”


Memories are bleak. But I still do remember my desperate friends and me fighting over some girl’s phone number. Sometimes I think that we were so immature back then, underestimating the fragility of the male ego, gnawing over petty issues. Ha Ha Ha! Not to forget our stupid brawls! Gosh! Whatever college life was, it was fun! We were immature, I agree but we were free, away from worldly affairs, happiness was to score well and have a quality time with our friends.

Things are different now. Ever since, I have stepped out of my college, happiness takes a U-turn and gloom always collides with me on my way. Working in a decent firm where I get a handful of wad of notes doesn't fetch me anything other than a room for misery in my heart. For some people, this is the means to ensure a secure life but for me these are just green crispy bits of papers that lure a human by casting an illusion of satisfaction and content, later on making one a slave. Every second is worse than the last. My subconscious whines at me in a sneering mood again, asking me to run for my survival, to be like a normal guy, to marry, to make love, raise my child and whatnot as this whole world moves on. Every day I have to fight with myself and my desires, it’s just like a never ending cold war inside my head which continuously stings like disoriented noisy swarm of bees. The sands of time are just a fantasy now and the film of tears on my eyes was blinding me. Stench of failure washes over me.

The questions which I have need an answer. I don’t understand what is the true meaning of life? Why my heart isn't in peace? I am on a journey, to find my own meaning of life. I believe that life is a journey, not a destination. Is it fair to say that life has not one, but, a lot of different meanings and purposes?  Different emotions give different perspective on life. Will I ever find out? Is it permanent or ever changing? We humans, are just a niche for replicators? Happiness is a by-product of chemistry? Is existence an explosion initiated by cell division?                                                                                 

I woke up to the sounds of turmoil outside. Rushing towards the window I acknowledged that it was a storm, the enemy of the rain. Soon it will sway away the clouds from this place to another, leaving this area barren and thirsty. The life which I have is no less parched than the Earth. Owing to this connection between me and the Earth, my feet tempted me to move to the balcony. It was a fierce storm. The leaves detached flying away in fear, no longer with strength to continue holding on from one place to another just like my life which had no destination. Even the birds attempted to balance with a tight grip onto the dancing trees, just not to slip and fall away in the hot tempered storm. Whenever, the wind approached, every tree became afraid, trembled and danced, swaying all to directions and too bowing down almost to the ground but  with every ounce of its energy tries to fight but cannot win as we fight in our daily lives to stand still from numerous gashes of life. I could see myself helpless who is deteriorating and is downtrodden by nature. The winds use to rip out the leaves from the branches of the tree as if our own skin is strapped from one end. Just like us, the tree shudders and writhes in pain. When you are drowned in the sea of grief then you feel everything around you is your enemy and it is trying to mock you.

Just then I glanced over a man sitting under a tree, it seemed as if he is ill or something. If not that, then he must have been trying to kill himself. I thought he is a mad man but still certain traces of humanity made me step out of my house and I went towards him to inspect the matter. The thin stature of mine made me feel that soon I’ll be flying in the air. Damn! That old man, it was hard to see even. As I reached near him, I inquired about him and he replied saying he has no shelter. Next thing, I bought him in the veranda of my house and made him sit, offering some of the beverages.

I live alone in my house so a companion triggered a conversation. Actually, people love talking about themselves. It gives their experiences a third party validation and puts them in the good times mode or reduce their stress. As I knew this old man can do no harm to me so I made him my short lived distraction. Soon he learned about my stresses in life. He smiled and said, “A question that has been asked an infinite amount of times since conscious life began on this planet. The best possible meaning of life that I know of lies in figuring out exactly why you are here, where your passions are hiding and what is going to be the spark to set your world alight with meaning. Some people find that the meaning of life is to have a career, get married, and raise a family. When you live your life that is dictated by others it becomes hard to find the purpose of your own life.”

I replied him saying that many of the children are often directed in one way or the other by their parents. This leads to ignorance of their own desires and move according to the crowd. Once we realize that no one has to live behind a set of rules and that everyone is unique in their desires, then it’s the time to dump the rules and start living the life we want?

“Yes! My son” he says and continues “Fear of the unknown, fear of failing, or fear of not being in control will try to stop you but if you win it by your will power then that means you need to step out of your comfort zone. You become more of the person you were meant to be every time you push past your fears. It doesn’t matter how small or big the step is; once you take the step, your comfort zone becomes bigger, and life offers you more opportunities. Remember optimism is a perfectly legitimate response to failure”

My heart developed certain respect for the old man and due to reflexes I uttered, “Sir, can you enlighten me more, as to how can I know what I want from my life and where my true happiness lies?”

“Son, I can only show you the direction; you have to find your way. Find joy in whatever you do. Feel pleasure in doing whatever you are doing.  There is nothing more fulfilling than living your purpose every single day. Listen to your heart, your intuitions. This will lead you to your desired path and you will experience true contentment. Appreciate the moments in your life, no matter how small or big they are. Have a gratitude approach towards things and your life will change”.

One last question Sir, "how come you all know all this. These answers, seeing you’re…Errrrr… your condition, I …actually…”

“Son, it doesn’t matter who am I, what matters is that you got your answers. Start shaping your life and may God bless you. Be dauntless, be happy and moreover keep others happy. I am sure you will lead a beautiful life ahead.

“Sir, where can I find you?”

“You don’t find me. I find you, Son”                                                  

He stormed out of the house and I was dumbstruck. Trying to believe that he was real and all of this actually happened. I rushed behind him trying to ask him more but it’s like he vanished in thin air. I ran blindly to certain directions but there was no sign of him. 

The wind blowing calmed down, there was thunder and soon there was heavy downpour, quenching the thirst of the Earth. I don’t know who he was or why was he here, all I know is that unknown homeless old man made me learn what this world can never teach me. My path was clear sky after the storm and the rainfall was the sign of my pain that was flowing away. No one knows from where the storm comes, but the thing which is known to us is that it shatters the existence to give Mother Nature a cleansing rejuvenation like the one given to me by the old man. He was there just to guide me, or was it me who found him. I don’t know, and I don’t want to know either.

I joined the children nearby who were merry making in this beautiful rain, admiring the beauty of the revived trees.